June 1, 2011 04:47 by
AdminFirst let me say that it is a privilege and honor to assist and come along side fellow believers and friends with the express purpose to facilitate further the sanctification process. Also, in the spirit of Galatians 6:1-6, 1 Corinthians 8:1-3, 10:12, I offer this advice, admonishment, and words of edification. Indeed all counseling is based on the premise that sanctification (pursuing holiness) is the basis and stands in the center of the counseling process in the first place. God has ordained the sanctification process (Ephesians 2:10 tells us that our sanctification was prepared beforehand). Every true believer is being sanctified, howbeit, at different degrees. This is so because we were created in Christ Jesus and our divine side is active at work within us causing and willing and working resulting in sanctification (2 Peter 1:3; Phil 2:12-13).
The opposite is also true. If our lives don't show that God is actively working in us both to will and work unto good works, then the Spirit of God is not at work and we are not being sanctified (1 John 1:8-10, 2:4-6, 29, 3:4-10, 24, 5:4-5). For the Christian, this could be manifested in grieving and quenching the Spirit of God in their lives so that the fruit bearing is being severely impaired. Now, since God is actively at work to ensure that we are being sanctified, then our attitudes, desires, wills, energies, motives, perspectives, etc. are being conformed to his will daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. In addition, God places all circumstances and situations in our lives to further this sanctification. This would include even marriage. Marriage is a tool and an instrument in God's hand to chisel and form character, attitudes, motives, desires, etc, that are godly and Christ-like (Ephesians 5:22-33). Thus, marriage is the fiery furnace where the refiner's hand shapes and molds our being to be vessels of honor. We must look to marriage, therefore, as a way for God to prune, purge, and purify who we are. The partnership as such becomes a God-ordained work of art awaiting its final masterpiece as a celestial exhibition (Ephesians 5:22-33).
Therefore, to begin with, how do you and your spouse perceive marriage? Do you perceive it as a mundane perspective or as a heavenly perspective? Do you perceive marriage in terms of sacred or secular only? Have you both reflected on the roles you all play in this sacred marriage--as mutual instruments of righteousness, purging agents, sanctifying instruments? When you both decided to marry, both of you entered a covenant with high demands and responsibilities. God put this together. God ordained it.
Secondly, the marital arrangement is a divine institution, establishment, and truth. This is a permanent arrangement: Gen 2:18-25; Mal. 2:14-16; Mat 5:31-32; 19:1-10; Mark 10:1-12; Eph 5:31; 1 Corinthians 7:8-11. This is an irreversible decision. Once God has chosen your spouse you are permanently attached. The only exception policy in Scripture is what is outlined within the passages above-- ie. sexual infidelity or death (Romans 7:1-7). The marital union is a union. It is indissoluble and indivisible by man.
Therefore, the question you need to ask yourselves over and over is what breach in the contract have you managed to accomplish that will allow you both to conscience-free and without guilt sever the union? Unless, you fit the bill of the exception clause or death, then your desire to sever the relationship is unwarranted and groundless, regardless of how you both feel emotionally. Now I believe that the infidelity of the past is past! If your wife chose not to take action back then to justifiably seek a lawful divorce, then she chose to keep the marriage intact by her actions.
Therefore, any reasons or beliefs you may have that will lead you to believe you can dissolve the marriage are groundless and baseless. In other words, it is unjustifiable and dishonest with God that you both would pretend anymore that Christianity is real to you both, esp when both are born again and have the Spirit of Christ, and continue to render contempt to the name of Christ (there is a real connection between obedience and blessings). It is with great earnestness that you both realize that what is at stake here is the glorious name of our Lord. If you can't resolve this, the chances are that any partner you have in the future will be the recipient of the same heart attitudes and behaviors. No amount of pretending is going to help the situation if you believe that just dissolving the contract is going to make the problems go away. No, the problems will intensify!
Thirdly, another question you need to ask yourselves is how honest, real, authentic, true, genuine has been you alls desires to seek godly repentance, remorse, penitence, contrition, and confession for the contemptuous and negligent way you have been treating the name of God in regard to your God-ordained contract? Have you mourned over the way you both have treated each other? The effect this has had on your family? The long term effects? How will this affect your obedience in the future? Your sanctification? Have you looked long and hard into the face of God and seen the need for total abandonment and surrender? Please ponder deeply on these questions.
Lastly, If at the end you both cannot resolve the problem. If the resources to the Holy Spirit, the church, counselors, and the spiritual armamentarium you both have access to cannot resolve it, then I suppose a divorce is what's left. My prayer then through all this, is that your hearts turn to God in Godly-sorrow, repentance, confession, contrition, and penitence. And, that you runaway from sin and unrighteousness in the area of relationships and marriage. May your future take a serious turn in this area of your lives. Thank you for enduring my words of exhortation.
Blessings,
Pastor James T. Cater
Miramar Church
6390 SW 32nd Street
Miramar, FL 33023
(954) 981-4677
pastorjim@miramar.org
www.miramarchurch.org
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